Learning something new….

Why on earth would I willingly torture myself? All I can do is shake my head at myself.

One night among many nights that I could not sleep, I went to YouTube to watch videos. It truly is amazing what you can find when you can’t sleep.

On this particular night I found videos about decorating planners. It was so much fun to watch and think, could I do this. Sure why not? I can do it as well as the next person. So I began thinking why not, but then I realize I don’t use the type of planners that they use in the videos and I am not going to go out to buy one just so I can decorate a planner. A planner that I will more than likely not use, so I threw out that idea. However, I decided that I still liked the idea of decorating so I transferred the ideas to my written journal.

My written journal….a place I can put my ideas, a place I can put my frustrations, a place I can vent without being made to feel awful. And so I began to decorate my journal and found I truly do enjoy decorating. I get to use smiley faces with all sorts of emotions. I get to use stickers with all sorts of designs to go along with my writings. So now I am back to thinking about decorating my planner. LOL again shaking my head.

I don’t plan to go overboard with the decorating, but who ever plans for that? At least, I am going to try to not go over board with the decorating. I have bought sticker paper so that I can make my own style of stickers. (So much for not going overboard.) At least I will make my own and not buy a bazillion stickers and washi tape; which by the way I was starting to do that and decided that I just needed to stop.

You would think that by not being allowed to drive, I would have a problem with getting to the store to buy things. And to a point that does prove to be a problem; I just wait for my hubby and the kids to get home and have them take me where I want to go. Even though they really don’t want to, they do it just the same. The reasons are long and convoluted, and for another rant and another day.







A small child she was once

A small child she would remain

A loved child she was once

A loved child she would remain


A young lad he was once

A young lad he would remain

A happy lad he was once

A happy lad he would remain


A beautiful lass she was once

A beautiful lass she would remain

A thoughtful lass she was once

A thoughtful lass she would remain


A handsome gent he was once

A handsome gent he would remain

A hard worker he was once

A hard worker he would remain


A caring mother she was once

A caring mother she would remain

A busy woman she was once

A busy woman she would remain


A loving father he was once

A loving father he would remain

A leader he was once

A leader he would remain


An exquisite Granny she was once

An exquisite Granny she would remain

A lonely woman she became

A lonely woman she would remain


A fun loving Poppy he was once

A fun loving Poppy he would remain

A timid man he became

A timid man he would remain


A tired woman she is

A tired woman she would remain

A relieved spirit she became

A relieved spirit she would remain


A sad man he is

A sad man he would remain

A waiting man he is

A waiting man he would remain

Fibro hell (pain central)

I try to keep up appearances but there are weeks, days, even minutes that I have to breathe through the pain. One of the main things I don’t understand is that when I am talking to my specialist; she says that all the pain I am going through has nothing to do with the fibromyalgia. Yet when I go into pages for people with fibro, they have the same issues. So how can this not be related to Fibro. So I go see an Neuro doctor and she says she can’t help me and not to come back. So I find a new Neuro Doctor and he has no clue what is going on with me. Now my Rheumy doctor says I need to go to the Mayo clinic; but guess what???? Thanks to Obama care, my insurance won’t cover me to visit that clinic. I can get to it with the help of family but I have to put up $5000 deposit. SMH.

They make it very hard to receive disability but I can’t do anything that would allow me be able to work. Between the pain and fatigue and all this God awful medication; nothing works. I have tried Lyrica and I swelled up; then I tried Cymbalta and it affected my sugar so I had to go off it and the side affects were worse coming off then they were being on. It took me over a year to Cymbalta. I look at my docs like they must be crazy if I am going to take it again.

I fall alot, I do seem to be able to catch myself most of the time. I can get up from my bed and then fall right back down to where I was sitting. On these days, I have to grab my cane (my 3rd leg) to get up from the bed and go where I need to.

I am so not looking forward to the day that I can no longer drive. I see it heading my way and it is heading this way alot sooner than I ever thought it would. I have weakness in my left leg; sometimes when I am walking (actually weebling & wobbling) my leg will stop and not go with me. I have seen my leg stop in mid-stride. It just sits there in the air hanging out until my brain can make it work again.

I tell everyone that as long as my diabetes and my asthma are under control, I have nothing to fear. Everything else that is wrong with me  will just make me miserable. But between you and me, I sometimes wonder if whatever this is that is wrong with me, could kill me. There is only so much pain you live through; I don’t want to be any more of  a burden to my DH, than I already am.

I don’t look forward to the day when someone has to go to the bathroom with me. That is going to be so embarrassing and humiliating. When that day comes I pray that I have lost quite a bit of weight so whomever is taking care of, that I don’t cause their back to go out.

I promise I usually have a bright out look  on life and I enjoy my family and life in general; but today is one of my pity parties that is only allowed 30 minutes. If I let it go on any longer than that, then I will have to go to the looney bin.

The everlasting sweater project

I think I just might be able to finish my sweater in the next year. I don’t think it will be done in time for this coming winter but maybe just maybe I can wear it the winter of 2016. I actually hope to have it finished by the end of this year. I am almost done with the left front side. Then I only have to finish the right front side and then the sleeves and maybe I will do pockets. It sounds like a lot is left to do but it really isn’t. I am just glad I am only making one of these bad boys. I have one I would absolutely love to make for my mom but I am seriously thinking about taking that yarn and making booties  for babies at the hospital. There is so much I could do with all that yarn. Who knows?

I also think I need to start taking pictures so anyone reading this would have a clue as to what I am talking about. I do have a

pretty good camera. Let me think on that some more. Knitters know exactly what I am talking about.

right sweaterback left sweater

Class at my church….

Today was my first day for a class that I am taking at church. The first assignment, was should I say, uncomfortable. You have to be honest in your answers and on several of the questions I found at least 2 answers that would fit. SMH. Right now I have not idea if I am overbearing or am I a follower. Fairly certain that I am not a follower in most incidences, but who knows. I do know that I fit 2 of the categories.Well I have a whole week till I find out if this is a good thing or not. LOL. The lessons look interesting and so does my Bible study with my life group.

For those of you that want to argue about my belief in God, let me say this. I would rather to believe in God while I am alive and find out HE doesn’t exist when I die, instead of  NOT believing in God and then after my death to find that HE did exist. I will gladly answer any questions you have based on my belief. I can’t make you believe but I can give you answers and I can even get you a bible if need be. I am not going to argue with you just so you can prove your point. As long as you civil with me, I can get along with you.

Accidental Tofu recipe

Hot dog!!! I found a new flavor I like to marinate my tofu in. Marinate tofu…. you say? Yes you must marinate your tofu if you want flavor when you eat it. I don’t mind eating it plain but I find that I really like to have flavor with my tofu.

First things first, you must drain your tofu. There will be alot of water in the container and in the tofu. Tofu loves to absorb everything and anything you place it in. Like when I make my Tofu Parmesan; I cook it and then let it set for 3 days in the refrigerator. At the end of the 3 days, the tofu has alot of the mix absorbed and it gives you a very pleasant experience.

Drain the tofu…..? (scratching your head, are you?) Well what I do is take the tofu out of the packaging and place it in a hand towel on a plate. I make sure that the tofu is covered in the towel and then I place something heavy, namely my cast iron skillet and on top of that I place a heavy bottle of veggie oil. This allows the tofu to be pressed and makes it easier to absorb the flavor you want.

You can eat the tofu in any manner that suits you. I love to eat it in stir fry and in that I use zucchini, sweet potatoes, mushrooms, any veggie that strikes my fancy. I also use Jasmine brown rice. The Jasmine brown rice seems to also absorb the flavors you use. So the meal is always awesome. Sometimes I find I don’t make enough and then I have to pout. LOL.

Okay so for today’s lunch I heated up my tofu that had been marinated in Sweet chili pepper sauce. I cooked it up in a frying pan with mandu and buckwheat noodles.  That is a wonderful lunch; so flavorful and so filling. I also got to eat all this with my steel chopsticks. I found them by accident a few weeks ago and it was great because I was curious if they made them in other materials than wood or bamboo. I got my answer.

My heart is breaking……

I am so heartbroken; please bare with me as I go through this. I turned on my television yesterday; I found myself not wanting to watch another Christmas movie. Hallmark channel has been playing them since Halloween. (SMH). So I went to my detective shows and that channel was presenting the stories of 4 black men that had been lynched. 3 of the men were in southern states and 1 of the men was in upper New York.

You have to understand, I am a white lady raised in the South; mainly Georgia in the years of growing up that shaped me to who I am today. I was raised that I am not better than my neighbor and they are not any better than me. We all get up in the morning and put our pants on the same way. I was taught to think of us as being a box of crayon. We each have our purpose.

I am naive and I know I am; but maybe I am silly I don’t know. I truly thought we had all gotten past hate and racisim. I suppose that it is here and I choose to ignore what is there. I just don’t understand how there can be so much hate. Yes the black culture got a raw deal in the beginning and their history makes them wary.

I just don’t understand how one human being can mistreat another human being. It breaks my heart. I know there are other issues and I can’t go into them. But to lynch a black man because he liked, or he was dating, or even looked at a white woman is beyond my comprehension.

To further break my heart, it would seem that people that were going to the police to try to help solve these murders were dying in one manner or another. So many people have information and are scared to death to bring it the proper authorities.

Here is the worse thing about it. They were all labeled as suicides. Now mind you everything is one sided and I can only go on with what was presented; but these 4 men don’t seem to have committed suicide.

I wish things were not like this and everyone could get along.

Today’s Rant…My life, the Hot Mess it is …

I haven’t been on here in quite a while. I have been trying to learn the Korean language. Let me tell you, it truly is not easy when you are self teaching yourself a new language. I do believe that I am going to need to find a group of people that speak Korean and see if they can help me with my progress. So far I am doing okay. I found a translator with Google; so it allows me to have a Korean keyboard to type with. It allows me to see what it says in English; sometimes the translation is out of its mind. And the other nice tool it has is a speaker that allows you to hear what you typed. I have found that Youtube has some really good videos of people willing to teach a different language.

And in the middle of all this learning, someone requested that I make 4 quilts for Christmas. Yes I am getting paid, but I can’t believe I let myself get into a project of the magnitude before Christmas. I won’t do this again. ROFLMBO!!! Stress levels are running high and I am still dealing with my Dad’s passing. My birthday was a hard one to deal with, knowing I would not get his “Forest Gump” phone call.

I love to knit, but due to my health issues that I am finding that the thinner the yarn is, the more trouble I have handling it. I don’t know if it is from the Carpal Tunnel or the Neuropathy. Not that it really matters, the fact remains that I still can’t work with the thinner yarns and that is depressing.

So what can I do if I lose my ability to use my hands the way I want? SMH. I am not giving up just yet but I can see it is in my near future and it is sad knowing this. How do people deal with the reality that what they consider their everyday life is coming to an end and knowing that they have to create a new life. I am not sure that I am ready for this. I know my precious Abba has my life in his hands and I know he will take care of me, yet It is still worrisome. I know from my Bible and from my experience through life, that worrying about anything will not change the outcome and I will probably end up with an ulcer. So I need to just stop and let God handle this.

I have been trying to get Disability and that is another headache. I feel like I am being treated like I don’t want to work and I really do want to work. SS has decided that I can do light work so I can’t qualify. I asked what light work was considered as. I was told that it meant that I could answer phone calls, stuff envelopes, and make copies. So please tell me who hires for that kind of job?

And on top of all this, I have been sick all week. What a bummer!!! I had to miss my LIfe Group due to me being sick. I am so about done with all this Hot Mess I find myself in. Oh well this is my life at the moment.

Friends and the Korean language.

I love the sweet ladies that my precious Abba has placed in my life. We meet on Friday mornings for our Life Group(Bible study) and they like to go to lunch sometimes. They ask me to come along but I always have to say No, even though I would love to go with them. My birthday is this month, so they treated me Cheesecake Factory. It was such a pleasant surprise, and such a joy spending time with them, just to have time to talk. Two new ladies came to the luncheon and they are going to join us on Fridays and it is so awesome to see our little group growing. Though I have to admit, not sure if they can place any more tables in my leaders house, maybe one more. Well actually they might be able to put 2 more tables in the shape of an “L”. What a beautiful thought, to have so many ladies studying God’s word.

I have recently found that I am having trouble with my memory and trying to complete a full sentence. So I am thinking outside the box, and trying to learn a new language. So I decided to learn Korean. I have found that it is not as hard as I would  have thought.  I found a place that appeared as a Korean Newspaper office and it does have newspaper, but apparently it is a Korean library. So I can’t wait to start borrowing books from them. I want to increase my vocabulary, now mind you that I have just started so I don’t know a lot of words but I know more than 12 so I think that is pretty awesome. And the ladies at the library work with me so my pronunciation is as close as it can be. I have always heard that Korean people as a whole were very pleasant and kind and they love when you try to learn their language. And I experienced this yesterday while I was at the library. I can’t wait to go back. Out of my vocabulary words, the word for telephone is going to drive me insane. I can read it on my flash card but to try to remember it without the card is an impossibility. So I can see this flash card will stay with me as I learn other words. It has been a lot of fun. The other reason I am doing this is because I have gotten into watching Kdramas. (Korean television shows).

The things your brain leads you to do.