I try to keep up appearances but there are weeks, days, even minutes that I have to breathe through the pain. One of the main things I don’t understand is that when I am talking to my specialist; she says that all the pain I am going through has nothing to do with the fibromyalgia. Yet when I go into pages for people with fibro, they have the same issues. So how can this not be related to Fibro. So I go see an Neuro doctor and she says she can’t help me and not to come back. So I find a new Neuro Doctor and he has no clue what is going on with me. Now my Rheumy doctor says I need to go to the Mayo clinic; but guess what???? Thanks to Obama care, my insurance won’t cover me to visit that clinic. I can get to it with the help of family but I have to put up $5000 deposit. SMH.
They make it very hard to receive disability but I can’t do anything that would allow me be able to work. Between the pain and fatigue and all this God awful medication; nothing works. I have tried Lyrica and I swelled up; then I tried Cymbalta and it affected my sugar so I had to go off it and the side affects were worse coming off then they were being on. It took me over a year to Cymbalta. I look at my docs like they must be crazy if I am going to take it again.
I fall alot, I do seem to be able to catch myself most of the time. I can get up from my bed and then fall right back down to where I was sitting. On these days, I have to grab my cane (my 3rd leg) to get up from the bed and go where I need to.
I am so not looking forward to the day that I can no longer drive. I see it heading my way and it is heading this way alot sooner than I ever thought it would. I have weakness in my left leg; sometimes when I am walking (actually weebling & wobbling) my leg will stop and not go with me. I have seen my leg stop in mid-stride. It just sits there in the air hanging out until my brain can make it work again.
I tell everyone that as long as my diabetes and my asthma are under control, I have nothing to fear. Everything else that is wrong with me will just make me miserable. But between you and me, I sometimes wonder if whatever this is that is wrong with me, could kill me. There is only so much pain you live through; I don’t want to be any more of a burden to my DH, than I already am.
I don’t look forward to the day when someone has to go to the bathroom with me. That is going to be so embarrassing and humiliating. When that day comes I pray that I have lost quite a bit of weight so whomever is taking care of, that I don’t cause their back to go out.
I promise I usually have a bright out look on life and I enjoy my family and life in general; but today is one of my pity parties that is only allowed 30 minutes. If I let it go on any longer than that, then I will have to go to the looney bin.