Tag Archives: life in general

Learning something new….

Why on earth would I willingly torture myself? All I can do is shake my head at myself.

One night among many nights that I could not sleep, I went to YouTube to watch videos. It truly is amazing what you can find when you can’t sleep.

On this particular night I found videos about decorating planners. It was so much fun to watch and think, could I do this. Sure why not? I can do it as well as the next person. So I began thinking why not, but then I realize I don’t use the type of planners that they use in the videos and I am not going to go out to buy one just so I can decorate a planner. A planner that I will more than likely not use, so I threw out that idea. However, I decided that I still liked the idea of decorating so I transferred the ideas to my written journal.

My written journal….a place I can put my ideas, a place I can put my frustrations, a place I can vent without being made to feel awful. And so I began to decorate my journal and found I truly do enjoy decorating. I get to use smiley faces with all sorts of emotions. I get to use stickers with all sorts of designs to go along with my writings. So now I am back to thinking about decorating my planner. LOL again shaking my head.

I don’t plan to go overboard with the decorating, but who ever plans for that? At least, I am going to try to not go over board with the decorating. I have bought sticker paper so that I can make my own style of stickers. (So much for not going overboard.) At least I will make my own and not buy a bazillion stickers and washi tape; which by the way I was starting to do that and decided that I just needed to stop.

You would think that by not being allowed to drive, I would have a problem with getting to the store to buy things. And to a point that does prove to be a problem; I just wait for my hubby and the kids to get home and have them take me where I want to go. Even though they really don’t want to, they do it just the same. The reasons are long and convoluted, and for another rant and another day.

 

 

 

 

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Fibro hell (pain central)

I try to keep up appearances but there are weeks, days, even minutes that I have to breathe through the pain. One of the main things I don’t understand is that when I am talking to my specialist; she says that all the pain I am going through has nothing to do with the fibromyalgia. Yet when I go into pages for people with fibro, they have the same issues. So how can this not be related to Fibro. So I go see an Neuro doctor and she says she can’t help me and not to come back. So I find a new Neuro Doctor and he has no clue what is going on with me. Now my Rheumy doctor says I need to go to the Mayo clinic; but guess what???? Thanks to Obama care, my insurance won’t cover me to visit that clinic. I can get to it with the help of family but I have to put up $5000 deposit. SMH.

They make it very hard to receive disability but I can’t do anything that would allow me be able to work. Between the pain and fatigue and all this God awful medication; nothing works. I have tried Lyrica and I swelled up; then I tried Cymbalta and it affected my sugar so I had to go off it and the side affects were worse coming off then they were being on. It took me over a year to Cymbalta. I look at my docs like they must be crazy if I am going to take it again.

I fall alot, I do seem to be able to catch myself most of the time. I can get up from my bed and then fall right back down to where I was sitting. On these days, I have to grab my cane (my 3rd leg) to get up from the bed and go where I need to.

I am so not looking forward to the day that I can no longer drive. I see it heading my way and it is heading this way alot sooner than I ever thought it would. I have weakness in my left leg; sometimes when I am walking (actually weebling & wobbling) my leg will stop and not go with me. I have seen my leg stop in mid-stride. It just sits there in the air hanging out until my brain can make it work again.

I tell everyone that as long as my diabetes and my asthma are under control, I have nothing to fear. Everything else that is wrong with me  will just make me miserable. But between you and me, I sometimes wonder if whatever this is that is wrong with me, could kill me. There is only so much pain you live through; I don’t want to be any more of  a burden to my DH, than I already am.

I don’t look forward to the day when someone has to go to the bathroom with me. That is going to be so embarrassing and humiliating. When that day comes I pray that I have lost quite a bit of weight so whomever is taking care of, that I don’t cause their back to go out.

I promise I usually have a bright out look  on life and I enjoy my family and life in general; but today is one of my pity parties that is only allowed 30 minutes. If I let it go on any longer than that, then I will have to go to the looney bin.