Tag Archives: life in general

Learning something new….

Why on earth would I willingly torture myself? All I can do is shake my head at myself.

One night among many nights that I could not sleep, I went to YouTube to watch videos. It truly is amazing what you can find when you can’t sleep.

On this particular night I found videos about decorating planners. It was so much fun to watch and think, could I do this. Sure why not? I can do it as well as the next person. So I began thinking why not, but then I realize I don’t use the type of planners that they use in the videos and I am not going to go out to buy one just so I can decorate a planner. A planner that I will more than likely not use, so I threw out that idea. However, I decided that I still liked the idea of decorating so I transferred the ideas to my written journal.

My written journal….a place I can put my ideas, a place I can put my frustrations, a place I can vent without being made to feel awful. And so I began to decorate my journal and found I truly do enjoy decorating. I get to use smiley faces with all sorts of emotions. I get to use stickers with all sorts of designs to go along with my writings. So now I am back to thinking about decorating my planner. LOL again shaking my head.

I don’t plan to go overboard with the decorating, but who ever plans for that? At least, I am going to try to not go over board with the decorating. I have bought sticker paper so that I can make my own style of stickers. (So much for not going overboard.) At least I will make my own and not buy a bazillion stickers and washi tape; which by the way I was starting to do that and decided that I just needed to stop.

You would think that by not being allowed to drive, I would have a problem with getting to the store to buy things. And to a point that does prove to be a problem; I just wait for my hubby and the kids to get home and have them take me where I want to go. Even though they really don’t want to, they do it just the same. The reasons are long and convoluted, and for another rant and another day.






Fibro hell (pain central)

I try to keep up appearances but there are weeks, days, even minutes that I have to breathe through the pain. One of the main things I don’t understand is that when I am talking to my specialist; she says that all the pain I am going through has nothing to do with the fibromyalgia. Yet when I go into pages for people with fibro, they have the same issues. So how can this not be related to Fibro. So I go see an Neuro doctor and she says she can’t help me and not to come back. So I find a new Neuro Doctor and he has no clue what is going on with me. Now my Rheumy doctor says I need to go to the Mayo clinic; but guess what???? Thanks to Obama care, my insurance won’t cover me to visit that clinic. I can get to it with the help of family but I have to put up $5000 deposit. SMH.

They make it very hard to receive disability but I can’t do anything that would allow me be able to work. Between the pain and fatigue and all this God awful medication; nothing works. I have tried Lyrica and I swelled up; then I tried Cymbalta and it affected my sugar so I had to go off it and the side affects were worse coming off then they were being on. It took me over a year to Cymbalta. I look at my docs like they must be crazy if I am going to take it again.

I fall alot, I do seem to be able to catch myself most of the time. I can get up from my bed and then fall right back down to where I was sitting. On these days, I have to grab my cane (my 3rd leg) to get up from the bed and go where I need to.

I am so not looking forward to the day that I can no longer drive. I see it heading my way and it is heading this way alot sooner than I ever thought it would. I have weakness in my left leg; sometimes when I am walking (actually weebling & wobbling) my leg will stop and not go with me. I have seen my leg stop in mid-stride. It just sits there in the air hanging out until my brain can make it work again.

I tell everyone that as long as my diabetes and my asthma are under control, I have nothing to fear. Everything else that is wrong with me  will just make me miserable. But between you and me, I sometimes wonder if whatever this is that is wrong with me, could kill me. There is only so much pain you live through; I don’t want to be any more of  a burden to my DH, than I already am.

I don’t look forward to the day when someone has to go to the bathroom with me. That is going to be so embarrassing and humiliating. When that day comes I pray that I have lost quite a bit of weight so whomever is taking care of, that I don’t cause their back to go out.

I promise I usually have a bright out look  on life and I enjoy my family and life in general; but today is one of my pity parties that is only allowed 30 minutes. If I let it go on any longer than that, then I will have to go to the looney bin.